


ego sum

by maraudersourwolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Personal Growth, Self-Acceptance, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Theo's Centric, Theo's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 00:15:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersourwolf/pseuds/maraudersourwolf
Summary: I killed him.The big bad chimera.





	1. ego dolore miscebitur

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pretty indulgent thing, actually.
> 
> I've hit a milestone on my life.  
> Things I've left behind,  
> things I've grown out from.
> 
> I've destroyed the things I've hated.  
> To become someone that would make myself happy.
> 
>  
> 
> I decided that Theo needed that opportunity as well.
> 
>  
> 
> Barely beta'd. Very messy.  
> Very experimental.

 

 

I killed him.

The big bad chimera.

I took my sharp claws and eviscerated every inch of his body. Like he did many times with people he doesn’t remember the names anymore. I saw the life leave his eyes like he so many times did see the spark of others turn empty and end. I sank my claws deep down in the tenders parts of his body, that didn’t match with the roughness of his being, and let the blood flow.

I tore his chest open and ripped his heart, that wasn't his at all, away. I watched it pump blood that shouldn't be there anymore. I watched it beat in a plea of mercy that I wasn't going to give, because he didn't deserve it.

Because it wasn't his to begin with.

As it wasn't his to claim for forgiveness either.

Because you need a soul for that, and my claws scratched every corner of his being but never once touched the flimsy light of something humane on his insides. It wasn’t there. Probably extracted, like skin and bones and muscles, left to die on a surgery chair under three leather masks and the smell of putrid dreams surrounding it.

I took the spite that fuelled his being and the fear that crippled his bones. The rotten parts of him that were nothing except discards of a life that had never been his to live. The hollow parts that he tried so hard to fill with someone else’s will and make it his own, with someone else’s power that was never his to achieve.

With someone else’s love that was never his to receive.

I bit down the words that left his mouth, that meant nothing more than harm and fear and shame. I chew them down, I swallowed them whole. I spit the remains like someone would spit a bug that crawled up their mouth. They tasted sour and bitter and my tongue was left numb. But it was mine and not his, because I ripped his out with my fangs before he could even muster a scream or a whimper or a cry.

I made the air leave his body. Beginning with fists, punches that fractured ribs that ended up puncturing lungs in a way that resembled how he stabbed and maimed and killed dreams and futures of kids that he could have saved and yet he did not. Then with rage and desperation, I wrenched it open and gave his last breath and out. A thing he didn’t granted before.

I burned down the shrine to his own name that he so much fought to built. I overthrew the temple that was his body and mind and the wrecked darkness that was bound to the thing he once called soul and I fed from the ruins that were left of him. I ate the god that he so hard claimed didn’t exist but tried to conceive as himself.

I showed him the world in his last moment.

The one that didn’t wanted him.

The one he didn’t want either.

I laughed, because there weren’t tears to shred.

Because his eyes were closed and mine were open.

I laughed, because he was finally suffering after all the pain he caused.

Because I was full of life and he wasn't.

I laughed.

And killed him.

 

 


	2. salutaris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, I really like the whole idea of _'true love healing your illments_.  
>  But it's not what happens in real life.
> 
> So it's not what happens here.
> 
> First, you heal.  
> Second, you love.

 

 

Theo waited.

Until the sting in his eyes turned the soft corners red and his sight was blurry enough to think he was perhaps underwater, drowning slowly into a sea of fears and worries and self deprecation.

And he didn’t know how to swim.

And waited.

Until the dull sensation behind his eyes started to morph into an unstoppable throbbing that was more likely just a headache but it sounded like a mockery of how his heart was still there, beating.

And that he was alive even if he didn’t feel so.

And waited.

Until the lump in his throat was so big that he felt unable to swallow down the emotions he wanted to cage and the breathing turned so raw that he was sure his lungs were tearing themselves apart.

Caged and raw and ripped, as always.

And even after that, he waited a little more.

Until his hands started shaking in a way that made himself ask how many dreams and opportunities of happiness had slipped right through his fingers and he had been unable to catch.

Until his lips felt swollen and the taste of copper coated his tongue in a way that reminded him too much of how nightmares look and how death taste.

Until his face felt cold by the tears that didn’t clung to his lashes in a pitiful attempt to held him together and instead ran down, leaving traces that would soon be banished but felt like being branded.

He waited until he didn’t know why he was still doing it.

Why he was still waiting.

What was he waiting for.

And then it came.

Seconds after.

Maybe a bit more.

Maybe months.

A barrelling force of too much softness and too much anger that mixed perfectly into too much energy that could barely be held between his arms once it crashed against his chest. Because it was alive and hopeful and shining bright.

Plumb and rosy lips that screamed and kissed and smiled and pursed themself together with the same intensity, unmistakably delicate and ungracefully demanding at the same time.

Hard and calloused hands that faintly touched and yet so firmly that undoubtedly held him back together, glueing all the pieces scattered around into one perfect mess.

Baby blue eyes that looked, truly looked, giving him a space in the world to fill, to make his own and share if he wanted.

And oh, did he want to.

Theo waited.

Until he didn’t need to do it anymore.

 

 


	3. vivere rursus disce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the journey.

 

 

I killed him.

The big bad chimera.

I took his heart, ripped his chest open and didn’t tell him what to feel.

I opened up the cage where he was nothing more than a pawn, wrenched it open and didn’t tell him what to do.

I took away the pain, the hate, the fear that he was feeding himself with, that consumed his insides like the worst infection and cleansed it.

I showed him the world and told him that what he saw wasn’t his to destroy but to protect. That what he saw and loved, wasn’t his to fear but to enjoy. That everything he knew wasn’t real and that he needed to step away from the script of half assed lies and nightmares smudged on ink, just to start writing a new story.

I killed him.

The big bad chimera.

And I didn’t know who I was.

But I took up his name and decided that whatever path I took, was better than the one I followed before.

I killed the big bad chimera.

I took his skin, his will to live and everything he loved.

And I left myself reborn.

I left Theo Raeken to bloom.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> **Translations**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  _ego sum_ ; i am
> 
>  _ego dolore miscebitur_ ; i ache
> 
>  _salutaris_ ; salvation
> 
>  _vivere rursus disce_ ; learn to live again


End file.
